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A hotly controversial topic on iggli as of today has been online dating, and the role of technology in the evolution of romance and intimacy. I’m ecstatic that this is being discussed, as online dating is:

1) widely not understood by the general public and therefore mostly made fun of, and

2) a captivating and vividly interesting milestone in how humans intimately interact without actually being in the same place.

The last decade has seen the advent of hundreds of dating websites for meeting your soul mate in that nebulous nowhere of the Net – ranging from spinthebottle.com for socially awkward pubescent teens, to the infamous eHarmony and Match.com.



Conceptually, the idea is brilliant: describe your personality down to the tiniest detail (On a scale of 1 to 10, how patriotic are you? Is it important for your mate to be 1) less patriotic, 2) as patriotic, 3) more patriotic than you?) and let a computer algorithm determine WHO you could mathematically spend the rest of your joyous life with. No more uncomfortable first dates with people you obviously didn’t click with, AND you’re saved the awkwardness of similar in-person screenings such as speed dating and ‘singles’ coffee meetings. When you’ve had enough, you just log off – and no one has even seen your face.



But as most of us have realized, online dating can turn ugly when you’re a little too trusting and either scammed or emotionally extorted by someone who’s not who they say they are. We’ve all heard the stories of emotionally desperate women meeting a lover online, getting engaged, sending $5000 to India “for setting up the wedding” and never hearing from their fiancée again. So we assume that ALL online dating is a dangerous farce, ridden with pedophiles and chubby 48-year-olds who claim to be ab-tastic 25-year-olds (with pictures to prove it).




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Now, I claim to be no expert on the subject, as my online interactions are limited to friends that I already know in person. But when I was 15 I had this phase where I discovered chat rooms, and at teenchat.com I was frequently wooed with random messages from strangers who attempted to seduce me with “how big r ur tits”, “u sound so sxxxy I want to shove my dick in ur tight lil pussy” etc etc. Sounds like the stuff of my future husband right there…which is why I’ve never quite gathered the courage to venture back into the cyber-jungle that is “dating online”. With encounters like this, it’s understandable that people like Rosa feel that the internet has killed courtship.



But the truth is, technology is not to blame for the “murder of romance”. People have always cheated…electronic trails just make them easier to catch. There have always been guys wooing susceptible girls for casual sex with false promises…the internet just provides another medium to do that. Romance is not dead! It just takes the right spark between two mature, caring people to create the swirling magical head-over-heels fairytale that is LOVE. And yes…that spark can be started online.



Here’s the thing: the Internet is incredibly useful to keep in touch with long-distance lovers. When life hits and your significant other has to move away for school/work and you are prevented from following them, you either break up or keep in touch via phone/email/IM. But most people find it difficult to maintain intimacy through simply text, and no physical interaction. Long distance doesn't work for them. Therefore they find it incredulously impossible to establish an intimate relationship online, and make fun of people who do.



But really, it’s not so preposterous. Online dating is a way for normally shy or introverted people to gather bravado under the façade of anonymity and step out into the world of dating without risking much embarrassment or frustration. It’s an option for picky people to easily interact with vast hordes of possible mates and therefore have a greater chance of finding someone who is perfect for them. It’s simply another mode of meeting people…just like any bar or singles party. Dating on the internet is not weird…it’s just the newest social evolution of the 21st century.